F

Another gimmicky one-joke comedy from the Wayans brothers that may not use as much makeup as “White Chicks” but employs lots more special effects and is even more dreadful. The gag in this case is that through the dubious magic of green-screening, bro Marlon plays–or at least his head does, atop the body of one Linden Porco–Calvin, a “little person” ex-con on the lam after stealing a diamond who poses as an abandoned baby to retrieve the stone from the couple (Shawn Wayans and Kerry Washington) he’s hidden it with–unbeknownst to them of course. It’s fortuitous that they’re thinking about having a kid and so willing to take in the “baby” for the weekend.
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You can just imagine the supposed hilarity that ensues from this pathetic premise. The lameness of the script, which repeats the same grotesque gags ad infinitum and has a real love of unfunny slapstick violence (just wait for the “touch” football game), is exceeded only by the ineptitude of the execution, with its shoddy special effects, vaudeville-quality performances (the lead trio are quite bad enough, but Tracy Morgan as Calvin’s lunkheaded partner, John Witherspoon as Washington’s suspicious father, Lochlyn Munro as a bullying dad, Chazz Palminteri as–what else?–a mobster and the unbilled David Alan Grier as a singing chum of Shawn’s are even worse), and clumsy direction. If Keenan Ivory keeps stumbling along like this, he’ll probably soon be known as One-Take Wayans. In terms of technical finesse, this is way below the level of “Son of the Mask,” which was equally awful but in a much slicker way.

“Little Man” is tops in one area, though–minute for minute, it certainly boasts the highest number of punches, kicks and other assorted hits to the crotch of any movie ever made. By the time it’s over, you might feel like you’ve been socked in the groin, too. This is an appalling picture in every conceivable respect. And it’s not remotely funny.