D

Basically an overage “Porky’s” with a brogue, this wan and
wearying Irish comedy–about a brood of bachelors in a coastal
village who use newspaper advertisements to invite American
girls to come to their town, only to realize in consequence
the attractions of the local lasses–suffers from a terminal
case of the cutes. Crushingly obvious and singularly charmless,
it resembles nothing more than a raunchy American teen comedy,
except that it focuses on older characters and is set on the
other side of the Atlantic. (A colleague of mine remarked
quite justly that it perhaps should have been titled “Shepherd’s
Pie” in imitation of last year’s surprise stateside hit, and
it’s remarkable that the youngest male among the Irish
advertisers, Sean McDonagh, looks strikingly like our “Pie’s”
Jason Biggs.)

Almost everything about “The Closer You Get” irritates. The
main figures are pretty much buffoons, caricatures lacking
any sense of reality. (All these Irish lads, for example,
seem to do little at night but drink.) The local priest is
portrayed as an absurdly inept and shallow fellow. The women
seem to feel no hope for fulfillment except in marriage. And
after dealing in smarmy sexual innuendo for eighty minutes, the
picture switches in its last ten to a tone of sentiment that’s
rank in both senses of the term. Even the pretty locale makes
little impression because the cinematography is so amateurish.

Since the cast is composed of unknowns, one need not go into
their work too deeply, save to note that they strive frantically
but unsuccessfully to breathe some life into William Ivory’s
feeble script. But while there’s an inclination to give some
slack to a picture like this, which seems good-hearted enough
(and is opening on St. Patty’s Day to boot), it’s doubtful
that any comedy, whether domestic or imported, that tries to
get laughs by having one of its lead characters (in this case,
a hormone-driven butcher played by Ian Hart) periodically
scratch his crotch is likely to be eagerly embraced by anyone
but viewers who are adolescent intellectually, if not
chronologically.