Producers: Tim Bevan, Ethan Coen, Tricia Cooke, Catherine Farrell, Eric Fellner and Robert Graf Director: Ethan Coen Screenplay: Ethan Coen and Tricia Cooke Cast: Margaret Qualley, Chris Evans, Aubrey Plaza, Charlie Day, Lera Abova, Billy Eichner, Kristen Connolly, Gabby Beans, Lena Hall, Don Swayze, Josh Pafchek, Kale Browne, Alexander Carstoiu, Christian Antidormi, Kinna McInroe and Kara Petersen Distributor: Focus Features
Grade: C-
This second film in the projected “lesbian genre” trilogy of Ethan Coen and Tricia Cooke starts out promisingly, with clever opening titles splashed across locations in Bakersfield, California, where “Honey Don’t!” is set. Unfortunately, things go downhill pretty consistently from there, resulting in a disjointed would-be comic thriller that winds up pretty much an incoherent mess, filled with plenty of gruesomely-dispatched corpses but making precious little sense.
It does, however, afford ample opportunity to appreciate beautiful Margaret Qualley, who as Honey O’Donahue wears the costumes designed by Peggy Schnitzer like a model, the meticulously coiffured jet-black hair and generously applied lipstick adding to the effect. When donning long slacks, a shiny blouse and high heels, she looks like a true femme fatale from forties noir, though in luscious color provided by cinematographer Ari Wegner rather than noirish black-and-white. Coen and Wegner were clearly taken by the image, since the movie frequently focuses lovingly on her as she strides purposely toward or away from the camera, her long legs pumping and blouse shimmering and those heels clicking on the tiles or pavement. A pity she never has anywhere interesting to go.
Moreover Honey’s not a femme fatale in the traditional sense at all, though she can mete out punishment to malefactors as effectively as Humphrey Bogart’s Philip Marlowe used to—she’s a modern-day private investigator drawn into a whodunit as complicated as the one Marlowe faced in “The Big Sleep.” In this instance, though, the complications feel random and coincidental, and often only tangentially related to the central purported mystery.
That begins with the death of Mia Novotny (Kara Petersen) in a car crash. She was a prospective client of Honey’s, though for what reason we’re not told, and though her demise is initially written off by investigating cop Marty Metakawich (Charlie Day), an irritating dweeb who keeps asking Honey for a date though she always declines by telling him she likes girls, as an accident, we know better: prior to Honey’s arrival at the scene we’ve seen slinky Cher (Lera Abova) retrieve an incriminating ring from Mia’s corpse.
That ring is emblazoned with the seal of the cultish Four-Way Church run by repulsive Reverend Drew Devlin (Chris Evans), who preaches submission to his congregation, largely composed of young women, whom he beds before, presumably, trafficking them. He’s also, it turns out, in league with the French drug outfit Cher represents, though his delivery operation is a slapdash affair staffed by inept assistants, as evidenced when one of them, Hector (Jacnier), accidentally kills Colligan (Christian Antidormi), a client who can’t pay for his order. That leads Devlin to try to clean up the mess by ordering a hit on Hector and his beloved grandmother (Gloria Sandoval). But Shuggie (Josh Pafchek), assigned to whack Hector, bungles the job, leading to further complications as Hector attacks Devlin.
While all that is going on, Honey has family matters on her mind. Her sister Heidi (Kristen Connelly) asks for help with her wayward daughter Corinne (Talia Ryder), who’s involved with a brutish boyfriend (Alexander Carstoiu). She takes care of that by beating the guy up, but meanwhile Corinne’s scared off by the sudden appearance of a creepy old guy (Kale Browne), who turns out to be Honey’s long-absent father. It’s an intuition that Corinne might have sought refuge with Devlin’s cult, as well as an interview with Mia’s mother (Kinna McInroe), that leads Honey to the Reverend’s church; needless to say, he’s not forthcoming about anything.
An additional plot thread has Honey getting sexually involved with MG Falcone (Aubrey Plaza), a cop who runs the department’s evidence room. That results in a couple of steamy scenes of intimacy, but the relationship takes a weird twist when Honey tracks down MG at home and finds that the woman has some serious secrets. The turn does result in one of the movie’s more effective sequences, though, as Honey investigates the interior of the cop’s childhood home, nicely imagined by production designer Stefan Dechant—a scene that might remind you of Lila Crane’s walkthrough of the Bates mansion, even if what follows is somewhat of a head-scratcher.
Even there, however, Qualley maintains her poise, which is certainly more than can be said of the rest of the cast, who chew the scenery with relish. Evans, Plaza and Day are the worst offenders, but they’re just doing the best they can with the material Coen and Cooke have supplied them with. As editor (with Emily Denker) Cooke compounds her share of blame, unable to blend the disparate plot threads into a smooth whole. She’s unable, for example, to give Gabby Beans, as Honey’s secretary Spider, anything to do but look on helplessly, or to offer any resolution to the subplot about Honey’s father, or to integrate a sidebar involving a weeping client (Billy Eichner) seeking Honey’s help in determining whether his partner is having an affair fluently into the narrative. The denouement, involving Honey and Cher, has a kittenish ambiguity, but nothing more. Even the score by the usually inventive Carter Burwell is below par.
The title of the movie invites a dismissive assessment, of course. So here it is: Don’t bother.